Friday, March 23
Tuesday, February 20
Harmless email or ignorant misanthropy - 2/2
And from Emily we move on to today.
Women's magazines shriek out the fact that women need not men but the Raging Rabbit for sexual satisfaction. Broadsheets reveal that women exceed men in every subject at school. Internet sperm bank offer an alternative form of father, for as everyone knows, fathers are always absent anyway. Political correctness prohibits the opening of doors and going dutch is the accepted norm for restaurant etiquette. Machismo is wrong and 'being in touch with your feminine side' right. Wherever men turns it seems, they are being told that to be a man is wrong because being a man is violent, selfish, insensitive, power-hungry, emotionally-stunted and the list goes on.
It's the eighties turned on it's head, women shouldn't be wearing suits but men should instead wear skirts.
And so, it's is not the female part of the population who feel ignored, undermined, side-lined and unappreciated, but the men.
Some say this is fair pay-back for centuries of patriachal rule, Eve's reputation must be restored and this is part of the road to recovery. I'm not so sure I believe this. Or even if I do believe that restoration or rebalancing needs to take place, this is the best way to do it. And anyway, isn't it highly hypocritical that those who lambast men for their contentious/over-lording tactics utilise similar tactics to defeat them.
I can recall reading a feminist law books which stated at the outset at the book that 'This is not a forum for debate. Debate is a male form of interactions, we will be utilising the female alternative of 'consciousness-raising'. What the hell is that when it's at home and when was 'consciousness-raising' ever ascribed to females? They went on to pronounce that the 'consciousness-raising' exercise would be in some senses futile from the start as 'we have only a patriachal vocabulary with which to express our ideas and will so will be limited in our expressions to male-bias concepts'. It is at this stage that I begin to lose my usual solid respect for academics and ponder on whether all forms of learning or research are indeed useful for society.
It tires me that what this comes down to is our apparent need to always differentiate between sectors of society and seem to only ever be able to accept the one model or type from which all others should be judged. Deviation from the norm is not acceptable, whether it be because of race, religion, sex, culture, waist size, music taste, political opinion. Why is it that variety and difference is so distrusted and why are we always striving to amalagamate everyone into the same form of being?
Women's magazines shriek out the fact that women need not men but the Raging Rabbit for sexual satisfaction. Broadsheets reveal that women exceed men in every subject at school. Internet sperm bank offer an alternative form of father, for as everyone knows, fathers are always absent anyway. Political correctness prohibits the opening of doors and going dutch is the accepted norm for restaurant etiquette. Machismo is wrong and 'being in touch with your feminine side' right. Wherever men turns it seems, they are being told that to be a man is wrong because being a man is violent, selfish, insensitive, power-hungry, emotionally-stunted and the list goes on.
It's the eighties turned on it's head, women shouldn't be wearing suits but men should instead wear skirts.
And so, it's is not the female part of the population who feel ignored, undermined, side-lined and unappreciated, but the men.
Some say this is fair pay-back for centuries of patriachal rule, Eve's reputation must be restored and this is part of the road to recovery. I'm not so sure I believe this. Or even if I do believe that restoration or rebalancing needs to take place, this is the best way to do it. And anyway, isn't it highly hypocritical that those who lambast men for their contentious/over-lording tactics utilise similar tactics to defeat them.
I can recall reading a feminist law books which stated at the outset at the book that 'This is not a forum for debate. Debate is a male form of interactions, we will be utilising the female alternative of 'consciousness-raising'. What the hell is that when it's at home and when was 'consciousness-raising' ever ascribed to females? They went on to pronounce that the 'consciousness-raising' exercise would be in some senses futile from the start as 'we have only a patriachal vocabulary with which to express our ideas and will so will be limited in our expressions to male-bias concepts'. It is at this stage that I begin to lose my usual solid respect for academics and ponder on whether all forms of learning or research are indeed useful for society.
It tires me that what this comes down to is our apparent need to always differentiate between sectors of society and seem to only ever be able to accept the one model or type from which all others should be judged. Deviation from the norm is not acceptable, whether it be because of race, religion, sex, culture, waist size, music taste, political opinion. Why is it that variety and difference is so distrusted and why are we always striving to amalagamate everyone into the same form of being?
Monday, February 19
Diane Fossey's Gorillas
HI,
We've all seen Gorillas in the Mist and know about Diane Fossey and her lifes-work trying to save the endangered Mountain Gorillas - of which there are about 650 IN THE WORLD left. I defy anyone to not worship these beautiful, intelligent and gentle creatures.
Unlike most Hollywood stories, there has been no happy ending for the gorillas of the Virunga Mountains and they are still be slaughtered.... Only last month two silverbacks and one female were murdered by the resident poachers who terrorised the Parks Rangers so that they were unable to remain at their positions protecting the gorillas.
Please go and check out the site - the blog is written by the Head Ranger who tries to report on a daily basis the events in the Park. If you can link your blog to theirs, pass details on to your friends or raise some money we can all do our little bit to raise awareness and support the Virunga Rangers/the Dian Fossey Foundation's ongoing effort.
I am hoping to go to the Virungas next year and see the gorillas - will keep you posted if anyone is interested on my travels plans and if I'm lucky I might catch a glimpse of one (or two) and take a picture.
We've all seen Gorillas in the Mist and know about Diane Fossey and her lifes-work trying to save the endangered Mountain Gorillas - of which there are about 650 IN THE WORLD left. I defy anyone to not worship these beautiful, intelligent and gentle creatures.
Unlike most Hollywood stories, there has been no happy ending for the gorillas of the Virunga Mountains and they are still be slaughtered.... Only last month two silverbacks and one female were murdered by the resident poachers who terrorised the Parks Rangers so that they were unable to remain at their positions protecting the gorillas.
Please go and check out the site - the blog is written by the Head Ranger who tries to report on a daily basis the events in the Park. If you can link your blog to theirs, pass details on to your friends or raise some money we can all do our little bit to raise awareness and support the Virunga Rangers/the Dian Fossey Foundation's ongoing effort.
I am hoping to go to the Virungas next year and see the gorillas - will keep you posted if anyone is interested on my travels plans and if I'm lucky I might catch a glimpse of one (or two) and take a picture.
Friday, February 9
My breast friends
Can someone help me? I've got myself into a bit of a pickle……
I'm too scared to wear deodorant.
In fact, I'm so scared of deodorant, I haven't worn it for about two years.
It all started about two years back………..
I read an article in a silly woman's magazine that described the links between deodorant and breast cancer. Deodorants and anti-perspirants have aluminium. The aluminium is what actually stops perspiration. The mineral sits IN your hair follicles/pores and clogs them so that perspiration (no sweat you note - ugly word) can't get out. The thing is of course, you have not only glands under your arm, but direct veins etc to your breast. It is a fact that most women get breast cancer first in their left breast. Why? Because most people are right handed and so we all tend to put more deodorant on under our left arm. More deodorant means more aluminium which means more carcinogens into the armpit/breast area.
I spoke to one of my health-freak friends who stated she had know this fact for years and herself had stopped wearing deodorant aeons before. It's a problem because, like most people, I do need to wear it. I've not got some hideous odour problem you understand but, like most, I don't perspire rose water and deodorant/antiperspirant masks this fact.
Since the day I read the article, I haven't worn deodorant since, not in usual Nivea/Impulse type anyway. One of the few body parts I'm actually content with are my generous assets. If one disappeared, I swear I would have problems walking in a straight line. I just can't risk that kind of subsidence.
I've tried several organic, aluminium-free versions which are about as capable for their intended purpose as blue-biro rubbers are.
Summer is fast approaching - do I risk social ostracism or my left boob?
I'm too scared to wear deodorant.
In fact, I'm so scared of deodorant, I haven't worn it for about two years.
It all started about two years back………..
I read an article in a silly woman's magazine that described the links between deodorant and breast cancer. Deodorants and anti-perspirants have aluminium. The aluminium is what actually stops perspiration. The mineral sits IN your hair follicles/pores and clogs them so that perspiration (no sweat you note - ugly word) can't get out. The thing is of course, you have not only glands under your arm, but direct veins etc to your breast. It is a fact that most women get breast cancer first in their left breast. Why? Because most people are right handed and so we all tend to put more deodorant on under our left arm. More deodorant means more aluminium which means more carcinogens into the armpit/breast area.
I spoke to one of my health-freak friends who stated she had know this fact for years and herself had stopped wearing deodorant aeons before. It's a problem because, like most people, I do need to wear it. I've not got some hideous odour problem you understand but, like most, I don't perspire rose water and deodorant/antiperspirant masks this fact.
Since the day I read the article, I haven't worn deodorant since, not in usual Nivea/Impulse type anyway. One of the few body parts I'm actually content with are my generous assets. If one disappeared, I swear I would have problems walking in a straight line. I just can't risk that kind of subsidence.
I've tried several organic, aluminium-free versions which are about as capable for their intended purpose as blue-biro rubbers are.
Summer is fast approaching - do I risk social ostracism or my left boob?
Thursday, February 1
2/357 things that annoy me
Was disturbed yet again on the train to work this morning by a selfish commuter.
This selfish commuter sniffed every 2 - 7 seconds. Every 2 to 7 seconds for the entire forty-five minute journey. I kid you not.
I counted at sporadic and random periods and not once did the gap in-between sniffs exceed seven seconds. Several came thick and fast in a 2, 2, 3, 2, 4 formation. I tried to catch the eye of a commuter to do the old 'flicking-eyes-to-the-ceiling' look to convey my annoyance. that same look that I hate so much when other people do it to me. I succeeded but felt in a hole when five minutes later I realised she was a friend of the sniffer.
I suppose if you haven't been exposed to sniffing when trying to sleep you may think this is not that much of an inconvenience and how can I become in anyway annoyed sufficiently to share it with you.
Well, let me tell you, unrelentless sniffing is as bad as it gets. It's on a parr with some of the most famous irritants of our time.
Remember the creaking pipe that wakes you just as you are about to drift off into sleep. They went to the same school.
The period when you are nodding off in front of the TV and suddenly your ears zone in on the audio which seems to have leapt in volume although no-one has touched it and you can't turn it down as you would disturb your relaxed pose but you can't leave it on as it is stopping you falling asleep. Best friends.
The nagging need for a wee when you are wrapped up warm and don't want to get out of bed. Teacher.
Why the hell didn't she bring a tissue?
I tried to quench my anger by imagining the various caustic remarks I could attempt at the girl had I the gall and nastiness to make them. I couldn't try to sleep it away could I? I did sincerely consider leaning over and saying 'Could you turn the sniffing down please'. I figure if it is accepted that it is socially-unacceptable to play ipods loud so that tinny music escapes into the ears of passengers, what's the difference with constant sniffing berating my ears?
This selfish commuter sniffed every 2 - 7 seconds. Every 2 to 7 seconds for the entire forty-five minute journey. I kid you not.
I counted at sporadic and random periods and not once did the gap in-between sniffs exceed seven seconds. Several came thick and fast in a 2, 2, 3, 2, 4 formation. I tried to catch the eye of a commuter to do the old 'flicking-eyes-to-the-ceiling' look to convey my annoyance. that same look that I hate so much when other people do it to me. I succeeded but felt in a hole when five minutes later I realised she was a friend of the sniffer.
I suppose if you haven't been exposed to sniffing when trying to sleep you may think this is not that much of an inconvenience and how can I become in anyway annoyed sufficiently to share it with you.
Well, let me tell you, unrelentless sniffing is as bad as it gets. It's on a parr with some of the most famous irritants of our time.
Remember the creaking pipe that wakes you just as you are about to drift off into sleep. They went to the same school.
The period when you are nodding off in front of the TV and suddenly your ears zone in on the audio which seems to have leapt in volume although no-one has touched it and you can't turn it down as you would disturb your relaxed pose but you can't leave it on as it is stopping you falling asleep. Best friends.
The nagging need for a wee when you are wrapped up warm and don't want to get out of bed. Teacher.
Why the hell didn't she bring a tissue?
I tried to quench my anger by imagining the various caustic remarks I could attempt at the girl had I the gall and nastiness to make them. I couldn't try to sleep it away could I? I did sincerely consider leaning over and saying 'Could you turn the sniffing down please'. I figure if it is accepted that it is socially-unacceptable to play ipods loud so that tinny music escapes into the ears of passengers, what's the difference with constant sniffing berating my ears?
Wednesday, January 31
Harmless email or crass misanthropy?
For some time now, I have begun to suspect a growing misanthropic movement and today, receipt of one the usual-style joke spam-emails on the differences between men and women reiterated this belief to me.
I feel it is prudent to spend some time considering this issue, assisted in part by discussing the process of my thoughts openly, honestly and vigilantly in this hallowed forum of truth.
Let us begin in the beginning.
In the beginning there was an amoeba.
Perhaps it was not an amoeba but something far smaller and far more fundamental in it's biological makeup.
Something Wikipedia or Stephen hHwkins could explain but I have not the time to look up and this way I get to use the word amoeba. (In animal form, an amoeba would surely look something like this…. )
No-one knew where the amoeba came from but it was there nonetheless.
And the amoeba created the world when it exploded for some, as yet, non-universally agreed upon reason.
And so the amoeba created man life on earth. And lo the earth did turn into itself and bring forth man and woman.
Lots of things happened and were created on earth. Things like the wheel, emancipation, industry, political theorem, utterly butterly and custard.
From as far back as discernable, it appears the male of the species was dominant in his role. In the time of the cave, man dominated the animal kingdom. In the time of the Vikings, man dominated the sea. In the time of Prince Albert's, man dominated the world.
Throughout this time, woman was subjugated, silenced, abused and held helpless.
Half a century after the Corn Laws, a woman called Emily was born. Emily told her fellow women to burn their bras and to hold fast to iron railings. And so the women did. And lo it came to pass that women in a small island nation were given a vote with which to lift up their voices and be heard.
And that is where the beginning ends.
In tomorrow's blog, I shall consider the present which is also the middle and the end and use this period to enlighten myself more over this issue.
I feel it is prudent to spend some time considering this issue, assisted in part by discussing the process of my thoughts openly, honestly and vigilantly in this hallowed forum of truth.
Let us begin in the beginning.
In the beginning there was an amoeba.
Perhaps it was not an amoeba but something far smaller and far more fundamental in it's biological makeup.
Something Wikipedia or Stephen hHwkins could explain but I have not the time to look up and this way I get to use the word amoeba. (In animal form, an amoeba would surely look something like this…. )
No-one knew where the amoeba came from but it was there nonetheless.
And the amoeba created the world when it exploded for some, as yet, non-universally agreed upon reason.
And so the amoeba created man life on earth. And lo the earth did turn into itself and bring forth man and woman.
Lots of things happened and were created on earth. Things like the wheel, emancipation, industry, political theorem, utterly butterly and custard.
From as far back as discernable, it appears the male of the species was dominant in his role. In the time of the cave, man dominated the animal kingdom. In the time of the Vikings, man dominated the sea. In the time of Prince Albert's, man dominated the world.
Throughout this time, woman was subjugated, silenced, abused and held helpless.
Half a century after the Corn Laws, a woman called Emily was born. Emily told her fellow women to burn their bras and to hold fast to iron railings. And so the women did. And lo it came to pass that women in a small island nation were given a vote with which to lift up their voices and be heard.
And that is where the beginning ends.
In tomorrow's blog, I shall consider the present which is also the middle and the end and use this period to enlighten myself more over this issue.
Example joke email
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
I KNOW YOUR LAUGHING 'CAUSE MOST OF IT'S TRUE!!!!!!
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
I KNOW YOUR LAUGHING 'CAUSE MOST OF IT'S TRUE!!!!!!
Thursday, January 25
Ashalayam
The place where I work, 'Anon LLP', nominated it's new charity for the year yesterday. Happily my proposed charity was chosen and I am unashamedly happy and proud about this. Anon LLP will now be raising money for children the street childfren including 'The Railway Children' of Calcutta and I am hoping to persuade those in power that a heroes and heroines charity fancy dress Ball is an excellent idea. I have plenty other excellent ideas but none so excellent that wuld permit me to dress up as Scarlett O'Hara (again.) (Designed my 21st around this hankering and held a Corset and Crinolette fancy dress party. We played croquet and had a finger buffet. It was great. I was the only one who thought so I think. Everyone else just thought it was odd. It was, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Now I'm just running on. 'Running on'. How very Alan Bennett. Oooo lemon wedge.)
So I thought I'd give a link to the charity in case anyone is doing a 10 km run and wants an excellent organisation to do it for. I think that supporting smaller charities is in many ways a lot more advantageous to those the charity is there to assist in comparison with their national or international cousins. I know of course all charities need money and even those well-known charities such as The Samaritans have had to take to the streets with collection boxes to pay for electricity etc. to keep their services going but I can't but be disheartened by charities that plough 65% of their funds into advertising. I know there is the circular argument about how else do they raise lots of money without expending lots etc. etc. but to a charity like the Railway Children, £2000 can provide for a quarter of their yearly budget and importantly, goes straight to the source where needed. None is taken out for admin etc.
There is also the consideration that the larger a charity gets, unfortunately, the more distanced it becomes from it's target. Take the charities surrounding the tsunami. Many of them still have sizeable funds unallocated. How can this be? Funds were crucial in the immediate aftermath, years have passed and how is the reconstruction effort being encouraged by such a delay. What are they waiting for? Much of the assistance given wasn't the assistance required either and this is where becoming too removed from your target through bureaucracy etc becomes a real issue. Many charities were sending over school books, pens, pencils, food bags etc. when there were no schools for kids to be taught in and no crockery for food to be cooked in. It was the on-the-ground independent charities and ones that developed in situ in response to the tsunami that understood what was required were tools, cement mixers, hammers etc. to help people start the rebuilding effort.
Anyway, here's the link of you would like to check it out. there are more street children throughout the world than the British population one and a half times over. Calcutta/Kolkata suffers from notorious problems of poverty and I have visited this station myself. The charity has a permanent presence there and addresses the full range of issues raised by these kids situations, education, health, personal safety and emotional well-being.
http://www.ashalayam.org
So I thought I'd give a link to the charity in case anyone is doing a 10 km run and wants an excellent organisation to do it for. I think that supporting smaller charities is in many ways a lot more advantageous to those the charity is there to assist in comparison with their national or international cousins. I know of course all charities need money and even those well-known charities such as The Samaritans have had to take to the streets with collection boxes to pay for electricity etc. to keep their services going but I can't but be disheartened by charities that plough 65% of their funds into advertising. I know there is the circular argument about how else do they raise lots of money without expending lots etc. etc. but to a charity like the Railway Children, £2000 can provide for a quarter of their yearly budget and importantly, goes straight to the source where needed. None is taken out for admin etc.
There is also the consideration that the larger a charity gets, unfortunately, the more distanced it becomes from it's target. Take the charities surrounding the tsunami. Many of them still have sizeable funds unallocated. How can this be? Funds were crucial in the immediate aftermath, years have passed and how is the reconstruction effort being encouraged by such a delay. What are they waiting for? Much of the assistance given wasn't the assistance required either and this is where becoming too removed from your target through bureaucracy etc becomes a real issue. Many charities were sending over school books, pens, pencils, food bags etc. when there were no schools for kids to be taught in and no crockery for food to be cooked in. It was the on-the-ground independent charities and ones that developed in situ in response to the tsunami that understood what was required were tools, cement mixers, hammers etc. to help people start the rebuilding effort.
Anyway, here's the link of you would like to check it out. there are more street children throughout the world than the British population one and a half times over. Calcutta/Kolkata suffers from notorious problems of poverty and I have visited this station myself. The charity has a permanent presence there and addresses the full range of issues raised by these kids situations, education, health, personal safety and emotional well-being.
http://www.ashalayam.org
Monday, January 22
LET US SHOW OUR SUPPORT FOR 'SHALL'
I'm calling on all readers of this blog to make a concerted effort to use 'shall' more often in their every day speech. If you could also enjoin your friend and family to do the same, we might be able to bring back to life this gentle and civil modal auxiliary that has been suffering in this bullish, modern world of ours.
It is a dying form of modal (If you doubt my words, peruse please http://www.corpus.bham.ac.uk/PCLC/CDocuments%20and%20Settings1My%20%20%20%20Documentsassignments-LancasterCorpus%20Linguistics%20Conference.doc)
Given that we have only fourteen of them, (have included 'dare' and 'need') losing one of these endangered species is a cause for concern throughout the entire english-speaking world. If we could all make an effort to at least twice a day choose 'Shall I open the window?' over 'Should I open the window?', our poor maligned hero might be able to start the long journey back to the Land of Customary Use, that safe and popular place where all words long to reside.
And who is 'should' anyway?
Why has he eclipsed his more sensitive, older and wiser cousin?
'Should' - being young as he is - is still unsure of himself. He asks advice wherever he goes and never sounds sure of what he is supposed to be doing. 'Shall' on the other hand, having lived a long life in the mouths of some of the most intelligent men and women in the world, already knows what he wants. He just doesn't want to impose himself on others without asking if his actions will concern anyone.
And what of 'will'? We can't over-look his part to play in this sordid affair, especially his prostituting of himself, his 'special relationship' with they over the Atlantic, the great U S of A - a sure-fire way to ensure his domination at the cost of all others. When being presented with two future-looking modals, our Atlantic cousins became rather confused and decided they must concentrate their energies on only one, thus saving themselves world-ridicule by demonstrating an inability to speak English well.
(Whether they have indeed managed to pull the wool over our eyes in this respect, despite their cunning tactics, is debatable. Perhaps we should look to their leader for an answer on this.)
Let us look at the wil/shall debate in context and compare the impact of using one over the other in a dramatic setting.
(Picture a beautiful and distraught young woman, standing in the doorstep of a large, old white house, gripping the door-frame to prevent herself from collapsing in despair onto the marble-tiled floor. She stares desperately out into the garden where the figure of a strong, dark-haired man is beginning to vanish into the fog.)
'Rhett, if you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?....'
'Rhett, if you go, where will I go? What will I do?....'
Need I say more? I think I needn't.
So I shan't.
Let's get behind this worthy cause and start to spread the word.
It is a dying form of modal (If you doubt my words, peruse please http://www.corpus.bham.ac.uk/PCLC/CDocuments%20and%20Settings1My%20%20%20%20Documentsassignments-LancasterCorpus%20Linguistics%20Conference.doc)
Given that we have only fourteen of them, (have included 'dare' and 'need') losing one of these endangered species is a cause for concern throughout the entire english-speaking world. If we could all make an effort to at least twice a day choose 'Shall I open the window?' over 'Should I open the window?', our poor maligned hero might be able to start the long journey back to the Land of Customary Use, that safe and popular place where all words long to reside.
And who is 'should' anyway?
Why has he eclipsed his more sensitive, older and wiser cousin?
'Should' - being young as he is - is still unsure of himself. He asks advice wherever he goes and never sounds sure of what he is supposed to be doing. 'Shall' on the other hand, having lived a long life in the mouths of some of the most intelligent men and women in the world, already knows what he wants. He just doesn't want to impose himself on others without asking if his actions will concern anyone.
And what of 'will'? We can't over-look his part to play in this sordid affair, especially his prostituting of himself, his 'special relationship' with they over the Atlantic, the great U S of A - a sure-fire way to ensure his domination at the cost of all others. When being presented with two future-looking modals, our Atlantic cousins became rather confused and decided they must concentrate their energies on only one, thus saving themselves world-ridicule by demonstrating an inability to speak English well.
(Whether they have indeed managed to pull the wool over our eyes in this respect, despite their cunning tactics, is debatable. Perhaps we should look to their leader for an answer on this.)
Let us look at the wil/shall debate in context and compare the impact of using one over the other in a dramatic setting.
(Picture a beautiful and distraught young woman, standing in the doorstep of a large, old white house, gripping the door-frame to prevent herself from collapsing in despair onto the marble-tiled floor. She stares desperately out into the garden where the figure of a strong, dark-haired man is beginning to vanish into the fog.)
'Rhett, if you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?....'
'Rhett, if you go, where will I go? What will I do?....'
Need I say more? I think I needn't.
So I shan't.
Let's get behind this worthy cause and start to spread the word.
Tuesday, January 2
It looks like a professional took it doesn't it? I know, I was quite proud of it myself.
It's in sepia.
That's the joy of digital cameras. Everyone's an artist. I zoom petals with 6 millions pixels in 'closeup' mode and think how talented I am.
I don't know who the lady is but I like her. She looks solemn and melancholy which appeals to me if only as it allows me to use two lovely adjectives. Could be Cassandra or Medea I suppose. My favourite adjective used to be 'sunlit' but god knows what I was thinking. Far too trite. I also hankered after 'cascade' which is a revoltingly showy word.
Oh how I am waffling innanely. I do apologise.
I have been sat at work Googling for 6 hours and 54 minutes now and have lost the will to live. Coffee machine is on the blink as well so I was dragged to Starbucks for coffee this lunchtime.
It's in sepia.
That's the joy of digital cameras. Everyone's an artist. I zoom petals with 6 millions pixels in 'closeup' mode and think how talented I am.
I don't know who the lady is but I like her. She looks solemn and melancholy which appeals to me if only as it allows me to use two lovely adjectives. Could be Cassandra or Medea I suppose. My favourite adjective used to be 'sunlit' but god knows what I was thinking. Far too trite. I also hankered after 'cascade' which is a revoltingly showy word.
Oh how I am waffling innanely. I do apologise.
I have been sat at work Googling for 6 hours and 54 minutes now and have lost the will to live. Coffee machine is on the blink as well so I was dragged to Starbucks for coffee this lunchtime.
Will have to perform at least three Hail Mary's for that one.
.
Anyone read the latest Lionel Shriver book? I haven't read great reviews on it and wondered if anyone I know has first-hand experience. As you may or may not know I think We Need to Talk About Kevin is a masterpiece. It's inevitable that I'll be disappointed with the next one. I can remember how let down I was on reading Sense and Sensibility post Pride and Prejudice. You think you have found a literary god and then realise they are human after all.
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