Sunday, November 12

Food frights

I thought of writing a 'grumpy young woman' type blog this week but once I'd starting thinking it out, I realised I was running the risk of indulging in one of my never-ending narratives again. Writing this blog has really brought home that fact that I need to reevaluate my 'Why say one word when ten will do' philosophy.

So, I've delinenated my topic area and will instead focus on (one of) my favourite subjects.

Food.

I love food. I love food but often my enjoyment of food is spoilt by other people. Other people who don't understand how to handle food, how to respect food and how to interact with it. Despite whatever impression you may have formed of me from this website, I don't actually go around forcing my opinions on people and generally, unless I know someone very well, I don't go around giving a running commentary on what they are doing and inviting them to discuss what conclusions and issues their behaviour gives rise to. Whilst I might enjoy examining these things, other people - and god knows why - can take offence. So, in such circumstances, I fight the URGE. I smother my URGE and wait until I am in an appropriate forum to revisit the topic and release my thoughts.

This is one such forum. I can draw comfort when I find myself annoyed by a food faux-pas that, somewhere in cyberspace, I have noted my objections, I have delved into them and thus perhaps, my urge to purge will not be so strong.

There will be plenty more not featured here. I'll update you as and when I encounter them.

1. People who order melon as a starter.
2. Chips over which ketchup has been squeezed in a zigzag pattern
3. A hot drink with a meal
4. Melted butter running down someone's finger, especially if it carries on by dripping its way down to the palm area
5. The mispronunciation of 'Pinot Grigio'
6. Baked beans heated in a microwave
7. Jacket potatoes 'cooked' in a microwave
8. Anything in a microwave except for canned sweetcorn or peas
9. Hearing the mastication of food or swallowing of liquid
10. A used tea bag
11. Ordering garlic bread at a restaurant and being given a garlic baguette

12. Butter that has remanants of whatever the previous user was eating
13. People who won't split a bill but calculate what they ate and drank
14. People who order a cappuccino for their post-dinner coffee
15. Carrot cake
16. Tomato juice
17. Substituting real butter with plastic spread when cooking
18. Milk dripping off a spoon when eating cereal

No. I've not got OCD. Think of your own pet peeves. You will have them. You will have many more than you thought if indeed you have ever specifically thought about it before.

Tell me about them.

A problem shared is a problem halved.

Together we can get through it.

Together, we are stronger.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mine is people who sip their drink with food in their mouth - it's clearly wrong - otherwise the recipe for risotto for example would read:

Gradually spoon in a ladel full of vegetable stock and ladel full of tea - in the case of the hot drink with meal offenders.

For the cold drink alternative it might read:

Gradually spoon in a ladel full of vegetable stock and a ladel full of vimto

Anonymous said...

ok first off- dear sis, last time we went out for dinner we had to split the bill as to what we ate.

b- i cant stand people eating and drinking at the same time - it makes me fell sick

c - poeple dinking tea fullstop i find offensive - the gulping noise argh - though drink it without milk and thats ok.

d- i love this topic - though lets get down to business and discuss meat!!!!

i have loads of food habits i hate - i will have a think when i am not secretly typing at work and get back to you.

what annoys me is people who dont appriciate cheese enough and only eat old english fodder. england is multi cultural get with the food programm.

Natalie said...

Dear Sis,

You cannot possibly ignore spelling and writing conventions so entirely.

I praised you for your last post and feel that you have let this go to your head.

I understand that you can never cherish the finer points of a well crafted and punctuated sentence as I do but you must at least have some modicum of respect for your own language to believe it deserves at least a minimum amount of attention.


Yes - we did split the bill last time we ate. That is because I had £15 to my name and I was under the influence of another person whose habits I was powerless to. You know how ashamed I was of my poverty and having to suggest the route of calculating food. It was one of the most intensively embarrassing moments of my life and I am ashamed that you treat the occasion with such frippery and cruel banter.

Just becuase something appears on my list, does not mean I have never been guilty of making that faux pas. On another occurence that I shudder at the remembrance at, I was eating toast with butter AND peanut butter. It was a Sunday morning in February. I was happy and contented. I was gazing out of the window at the crisp morning when .... I felt and saw solidified cow udder-juice trickling down my ring finger in the direction of my palm.

I hate myself for this faux pas. If I could take it back I would but and can't.

Lord forgive me for I know not what I do.

Anonymous said...

Hi Natalie,

I got ur sire from CJM. Mine is on hers too, feel free to browse.

Have to comment about ur peeved list. I have so many, the mere act of thinking about them in order to list spins me into a frenzy and would no doubt eclipse any motivation I have for routine- life supposting activities such as eating, sleeping or breathing.

However, special mention must be made of my father who makes post prandial drinking the most revolting practice in the world. Yes, he not only slrups with excessive slurping noises, but then proceeds to swivel liquid around his mouth as if he's cleaning his teeth.

It's amazing I'm half as 'normal' as I am really.

love and Cookies,
Jellybean Jones

jamesj said...

I feel obliged to add the following;

People who refer to an Espresso as an 'expresso'.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.