Thursday 1 May 2.14 pm

It might of course be possible to be more bored than I am at this precise moment…..but I can’t see under what circumstances this could happen.

I’ve passed the hysterical phase and have now entered zombie territory. My eyes feel glassy, I can manage a grunt or two, I have vacant staring down to a fine art.

One of my colleagues suggested that we should all stay at home and just get called in if and when any work appears............

Ancillary to boredom actually is frustration.

I FINALLY started the "His Dark Materials" trilogy which has featured on my "To Read" list for the past five or six years. I spent a lovely six hours reading Northern Lights last night and went straight to Waterstones this afternoon to get books II and III. I would love NOTHING more than to spend this evening eating my way through The Subtle Knife… but alas, no. Instead, I have to pursue that other activity which lies so close to my heart and in which I do so notably excel …oh yes, networking.

I wonder what shame I shall bring upon myself tonight.

My left heel is pretty loose. Perhaps there may be a large staircase I have to walk down that I shall catch my heel on and fall loudly all the way down whilst being watched by all other four hundred and ninety-nine guests.

Or perhaps I shall embark upon my ‘I hate the cult of celebrity’ soapbox only to discover I am talking to the Editor of Heat magazine.

I once asked a Bishop what his star sign was.

Three hours and forty two minutes to go.

Oh kill me now.

I’m so bored I can’t actually be bothered putting meaningful, connected sentences together.

This is all I can manage:

1. I am delighted to see straw picnic-hamper weather is returning
2. I ate a Krispy Crème donut today thinking it would be something special. It wasn’t. I still hate donuts
3. If I were ever in a position to name a female cat again, I would name it ‘Lyra’
4. I’m attending a Heroes and Heroines Charity Fancy Dress ball that I am arranging dressed as Scarlett O’Hara and am bored by my predictability but am struggling with a viable alternative
5. I am undecided over whether it should be ‘zeros’ or ‘zeroes’
6. I am living with a man I don’t know